Everything tells a story. Did you know that?
From DNA and tree rings to language and stardust, every facet of human experience tells a story about what was and helps us make sense of our present.
Your DNA traces family lineages, identifies relatives, and uncovers migration patterns of ancient populations.
Tree rings record annual growth patterns influenced by temperature, precipitation, and sunlight, allowing the reconstruction of past climates.
The evolution of language reflects cultural shifts, historical events, and contact with other cultures, not to mention the songs, folktales, and stories told that themselves preserve knowledge, beliefs, and values.
Stardust speaks to the interplay of galaxies and looks back to the origins of the cosmos.
All matter. The most microscopic and intergalactic tell of the interdependence of our experiences, while serving as time capsules. Each offers a unique perspective on the past. By deciphering their stories, we gain a deeper understanding of our world and our place in it.
Your life tells a story. Just being has a story: how your parents met, where you grew up, and when you entered the world. Your hopes tell a story. Your disappointments tell a story. The pain that is denied, detached, or suppressed tells a story.
Communities tell stories: how road names came to be, who sponsored buildings, why economic status disparaged neighborhoods for interstates. Broadly speaking, this is story work, a therapeutic process that involves exploring and sharing personal narratives. It’s a powerful tool for personal growth, healing, and capacity building.
Story work and resilience go hand-in-hand. It is through our stories that we connect to our pain, allow it to heal, and discover all the parts of me that matter and are woven into the well-being of my significant relationships and our community.
The importance of story to our well-being, Dr. Dan Allender writes, is
how we make meaning as humans. Stories help us shape our identity and influence our perception of God. Our stories also are revelatory; they reveal something of the nature of God in a way that nothing else does.
To get started, let's unpack how we come to the fables we tell ourselves within our stories.
How Stories Are Formed
At the Resilient Communities Center, we see both the act of reframing the stories we tell ourselves and living into that paradigm shift to be the catalyst for breaking out of a place of disconnection. But how did we end up here? What are the stories our lives and neighborhoods are telling?
At the root of relational poverty are three marred narratives or pain points. Regardless of your zip code, cultural heritage, gender, or birthdate, these pain points are universal and experienced in some way: marred sense of identity, vocation, and affinity.
A marred identity looks like
I don't matter.
I'm broken.
Only I matter.
I'm beyond saving.
A marred vocation looks like
I have nothing to offer.
I'm a jack-of-all-trades and a master-of-none.
I can do everything on my own.
I need to save everyone.
A marred affinity looks like
They don't need me.
I don't need them.
They are the source of all that's wrong.
I'm happy with just me and God.
In each statement of belief is concrete experiences that have become the record of our lives, the synopsis of our existence, the key to orient who we are and how we behave in relationship to others and the responsibility we take on or shake off.
Story work makes room to discover the stories behind these soundbites and reclaim the nuance that these truncated patterns overlook, often out of a desire for self-preservation.
Let me repeat that: The stories you tell about yourself, they contain partial truths. They contain true, embodied moments that hurt. Your body and soul - and also your broader community - often tell the stories they do because you have come to believe these stories will actually make you hurt less if you live within their script.
Bypassing this hurt though never brings the healing we actually crave but have given up on imagining is possible.
John Mark Comer talks about the danger of denying our stories when he says:
This is the most popular response in a lot of Christian circles because it's so easy for us to spiritualize our denial as faith in God. The psychologist John Wellwood called this "spiritual bypassing," which he defined as a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks. It is a futile attempt to co-opt the Christian theology of hope to skip over our pain and chase the Western life script up and to the right. The thing about denial is it works incredibly well. It is the most effective of all coping strategies [denial, detach, drugs]. The problem is, it's a short-term strategy. and it's incredibly dangerous.
So, what is the work we need to do? Bring things into the open. Let them breathe, let them exhale, let them be named.
How Story Work Builds Resilience
By providing a safe space for you to explore your experiences, story work empowers you to find strength, hope, and meaning in your life, ultimately building resilience.
Here are a few key things story work develops:
Reclaiming Narrative: Painful experiences can often disrupt your sense of self and your story. Story work allows you to reframe your narratives, focusing on strengths, resilience, and growth rather than starting from a place of absence, weakness, and powerlessness.
Finding Meaning: By making sense of past experiences, you can find meaning and purpose in your life, even in difficult circumstances. This newfound meaning can be a powerful source of resilience.
Developing Coping Mechanisms: Sharing stories and experiences can help you identify effective coping strategies and learn from one another and how they overcame pain, difficulties, and isolation.
Building Connection: Sharing stories can foster a sense of belonging and support, creating a strong network of people who understand you and can offer encouragement. Like the sideline cheer squad, think of these as those present advocates for you to keep going.
Empowerment: By actively engaging in the storytelling process, you gain a sense of agency and control over your life, which is fundamental to building resilience.
Hope and Optimism: As you explore your stories, you often discover positive aspects of your experiences and develop hope for the future. This optimism is a key component of resilience. Our team of mentors best feel this is drawn out through the art of appreciative inquiry, asking questions from a place of abundance and not neglect.
Self-Discovery: Through the process of sharing and reflecting on your stories, you gain deeper self-awareness and understanding, which can contribute to personal growth and resilience.
To truly experience story work and its impact on our well-being, it happens best in community.
How Story Work Needs Community
The Summer Olympics are in full swing at the time that I am writing this. There's this great advertisement that sets up a series of athletes preparing for their competition. Just before the match begins, the athletes are suddenly surrounded by helping hands that assist them to their respective "finish line."
It's a beautiful visual that none of us are where we are on our own. Even the GOATs (Greatest of All Time) need community.
It harkens to John the Beloved who wrote,
My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. -1 John 3:18-20, MSG
At the Resilient Communities Center, we train individuals and embody what creating a space like this looks like. Community story work matters.
Here are a few techniques that we employ around story work that you can do with the significant relationships and community in your life:
Expressing experiences visually
Reflecting on significant life events
Reframing the story to focus on strengths, assets, and resilience
Creating a supportive environment for sharing experiences
Building connections with others who have shared experiences
Producing a collective narrative that reflects shared themes
Allowing individuals to share their story at their own pace and in a way that honors their cultural heritage
Emphasizing resources already present in your life
Scanning your body and naming what you are feeling
Through creating a supportive environment, story work can be a transformative experience for individuals and communities on their path to healing.
A Word on Story Work and Poverty
The Resilient Communities Center has a rich history of empowering community leaders to lead healthy homes and get out of the form of poverty in which they find themselves. Story work is for everyone, but it is important to note its application especially in communities pushed to the margins.
Much like spiritual bypassing, there are Christian values that can be ascribed upon the ways we serve people or are served that are actually rooted in our stories of pain rather than in the heart of God. The stories that we tell about ourselves and communities shape our perceptions and actions.
Here are a few narratives that can impact how we approach or experience economic poverty:
The "Savior Complex": Portraying oneself as a savior can create a power imbalance and undermine the dignity of the community being served.
The "Victim Narrative": Constantly focusing on suffering can perpetuate a cycle of dependency and limit the community's perceived agency.
The "Culture of Poverty": Attributing poverty to cultural deficiencies rather than systemic issues can justify inaction and reinforce stereotypes.
By approaching ourselves and communities with humility and curiosity, we can mutually contribute to the well-being of communities we call home and neighbor.
Taking time to consider the drive or motivation behind biases and the narratives we tell allows us to
Listen and learn from others and ourselves, letting the community drive priorities.
Collaborate with others reframing our personal or organizational priorities from "the only way" to "part of the greater good" in building sustainable solutions.
Catalyze the agency in ourselves, our significant relationships, and our communities.
Address the root causes behind the lies we tell ourselves, believe about others, and disrupt dismantling the multifaceted factors contributing to finding home in God, being known by others, connecting to our needs and feelings, and being present to the world around us.
Our team of coaches believe the most consistent thing we can do is create space. Space to process your story. Space to discover solutions. Space to find community with others.
Whether you are a leader of a ministry or organization who is wrestling through your long-term impact on community well-being, a partner or parent finding old wounds hindering your ability to connect to your significant relationships, or wanting to facilitate a safe space yourself, we invite you to connect with us and start a conversation on how you can let your hang-ups and stalled ideas become a catalyst in becoming all God intends for you and your community to be.
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